If you have been building your business for a little while, you might be wondering…. Am I running this business or is the Business running me?!
That is exactly how I felt last week. I was stuck in this thought loop where I was telling myself: There is so much I have to do and I don’t want to do any of it.
My thoughts were having a little party in my head. Thoughts like:
And I was right. Not. Fun. At. All.
The reason I had lost the joy in my “tasks” is because of my thoughts about it.
I was telling myself that I HAD to do all these things. That there was a “right” way to run my business. That I had to make up for the time I had lost the last 2 weeks.
But those are lies.
There are many ways to grow and run a business.
I don’t HAVE to do anything. I don’t have to blog, post on Facebook, show up to my Group, coach clients, brush my teeth, or even buy groceries to feed my family. I do NOT have to do any of it.
I always have a choice. I am not a victim of my life. I am in charge. I run the show. I decide what I spend my time doing.
As soon as I am honest and remind myself of this, I start to feel better. Instead of pouting or resisting these tasks, I merely have to ask myself – “What do you CHOOSE to do right now?” And I almost always choose to follow my calendar/schedule. Because these are the things that are getting me closer to my goals. These are the tasks that require me to evolve, to grow, to become a better version of myself.
I choose to continually improve. I choose to be of service to those who want and need my help. I choose to put myself out there and risk rejection. I choose my actions. I choose my results. I choose my thoughts.
I also choose to let go of the things that pull me away from my goals.
How often do you exercise your right to choose? What do you do that you believe is not a choice? Whatever it might be, remember you always have a choice. You might not like your options, but you always get to choose. <3 Own it.
Want help deciding on what to keep on your calendar and what is wasting your time? Book your free mini session today. You’ll get actual coaching AND you’ll leave the call feeling better with actual tools and concepts you can continue to use to coach yourself.
I think you are amazing. I am so grateful and blessed with all of your support that I wanted to do something just for you.
I started thinking about the people I want to help the most and what I could give them that could change their world. And the answers came to me.
I am a life coach that helps Small Town Moms create Big City income but not at the expense of their family.
My passion is in helping Small Town mom’s start and/or grow their home based businesses. And what do these women need? SUPPORT! And so I have created a facebook group to gather these women together and to teach them how to overcome the obstacles associated with working from home AND the added challenges of building a business in a small town.
Here is the Name and Description of my NEW and FREE Facebook group:
The Struggle is REAL!
You thought the 9-5 was hard. But now you are running your home based business while still trying to manage your household and family life. Who wouldn’t get overwhelmed?!
But to top it all off, you live in a small town with little resources, a limited customer base, small minded attitudes and you are not taken seriously (by your family or your friends).
You feel like you just don’t fit in. You are a small town woman who wants more than your small town offers.
This group is an environment where we
• Support each other
• Test ideas
• Ask questions
• Help others
• So much more
Don’t worry about which stage you are currently working on in your business. You will find the help and encouragement you need if you have just an idea or if you are a seasoned Boss Lady.
But we work on SO much more than your business. As wives, mothers, sisters, daughters, and entrepreneurs, all parts of our life intertwine. So even though we will talk about business a lot, this group is a place to work on anything we are struggling with. Kids playing on their devices too much? Ask the group for help. Want to learn more about blogging? Perfect. Is your mother-in-law critical of you? We know how to fix that. You get the idea.
This is NOT a place to pitch your services. Let’s keep the feed filled with help and encouragement. Know someone that would be a perfect fit for another group member? Chances are we know someone that is perfect for YOU. That is the beauty of this amazing network we are creating.
I am so excited to offer this group to you.
I am also working on offering
Make sure to get on my email list if you see something you don’t want to miss. You can do that on the home page.
Let’s take this journey together. Talk to you all next week!
If you have been following along, you have seen me talk about “thoughts”…. A LOT! You might even think that I have an obsession with thoughts. And you might be right.
Today I want to give you my BEST coaching tool that I use with ALL my clients and myself. I will give you an overview today, then I will break down each part in the next several blogs, so STAY TUNED!
“The Self-Coaching Model” was created by my mentor Brooke Castillo. I will refer to this as “the model” throughout this post. Here is what it looks like:
This is how it works:
By using this model you can see how your thoughts about any circumstance create your results. Let me give you a couple examples. Here is one of mine from last year –
Circumstance – My coaching business
Thought – I am not a good enough Coach
Feeling – Incompetent
Actions – Half ass work or no work at all
Results – No clients
You can see here, that my business is neutral. My thoughts about myself within that business creates a feeling that produces little or no action. Those actions/inactions create a result that allows me to “prove” that I am not a good enough coach.
Let’s do another with the same circumstance. This is how my model looks today.
Circumstance – My coaching business
Thought – People want what I have to offer
Feeling – Empowered
Actions – Get to work, produce high quality content, stick to the schedule, and stay consistent
Results – My clients find me, follow my blog, and consume my content. I help people and get paying clients.
Can you see how this new thought produces a feeling that drives actions that serve me and my followers/clients?
And now I get to decide which thought about my business I want to keep practicing. Do I want to show up to work feeling incompetent or empowered? I think you know which one I have chosen.
Let’s do another one
Circumstance – She did not show up on time
Thought – She does not respect me
Feeling – Angry, sad, rejected
Actions – Act passive aggressive. Make snide comments
Results – Less respect from her (the result will always be evidence for the original thought)
An alternate thought concerning the same issue will cause different feelings and therefore different results.
Circumstance – She did not show up on time
Thought – She must be busy, I won’t take it personally.
Feeling – Appreciative she made it, relaxed
Actions – Act kind and understanding
Results – No effect personally. No negativity.
Once you have mastered this model, you will have the power to take responsibility for your feelings, actions and results. You can choose to think thoughts that serve you. You can create any result you want and/or any feeling you want.
To be clear – this is not just plugging in a “positive” thought. It is exploring the thoughts you have now, then finding out if you like those thoughts and if they are serving you. All this happens before we even consider a “new” thought. Don’t rush the process.
My coaching is not about teaching you to think positive no matter what happens. It’s about teaching you to take emotional responsibility for yourself and to teach you how to experience negative emotions when they come up (and yes, they are going to come up!). It is also about showing you how to change the thoughts that don’t serve you.
Follow along this year and learn how to coach yourself. I’ll be sharing all my secrets. I won’t be holding anything back. You can learn all you need to know to feel better and to start getting the results you WANT. YOU get to create it, you don’t have to wait and see what life gives you.
In my next several blog posts, I will break down each part of the model. I want you to become an expert!
Try out the self-coaching model. Pay attention to your thoughts this week. You might be surprised at what thoughts you have running around in your head. You might also gain some insight on how you have gotten where you are today.
Be an explorer, a researcher of your own mind. Be curious, be fascinated. But never, NEVER beat yourself up about what you find. Treat yourself with love and compassion.
Want help practicing the Self-Coaching Model? In 20-30 minutes I will help you master the model so you can coach yourself whenever you want. Click Here to schedule your FREE mini-session with me. There is NO obligation.
Yesterday, I sat down and made a plan for today. I woke up knowing exactly how my day would go and exactly what I would get done because I trust myself to stick to my schedule and to get my work done in the time frame I give myself (this took a lot of practice).
But as women (mothers, wives, friends, sisters, daughters, etc.) we know that sometimes LIFE happens and we just have to adjust to what is thrown at us.
This morning, everything was going according to plan….until I left to bring my son to school. He bundled himself up in all this snow attire and grabbed his backpack. I armed myself with my grocery/errands list, threw on my winter jacket and gloves and headed out. We jumped in the van, closed the doors and I turn the key……..click, click, click. The van won’t start.
No problem! I am prepared for this kind of thing. I have a battery pack to jump my van and I even know how to use it (I’m becoming something of an expert with this handy little device). But today, it wouldn’t work. My battery pack will not jump the van. This has never happened before.
No time to panic….must find a way to get my son to school (which starts in 13 minutes!). I quickly assess which other moms might be able to pick him up on their way to drop off their own kids. I sent out a request…no response. I decide to text my Sister-in-Law… no response. I call the school “Ethan will be late for school today, my van won’t start and I’m looking for a way to get him there.”
As all this is going on, I am starting to realize that I will not be able to keep my planned schedule today. I think, “Okay, I can adjust”. And I bring my focus back to the current problem.
I sit. I think. I have an idea…. GRANDPA! Grandpa works for the schools, maybe he is close. He wasn’t… but he said he would come and bring him to school anyway.
Shortly after, he gets picked up by grandpa. Now I am left at home with no running vehicle, with errands to run. After all, Monday is my errand day. And if I don’t get my errands done today, that means less work time for the week. How will I make up for this breech of my schedule?
I don’t spend any time worrying about these things. I just quickly adjust. I need do whatever I can. I can’t get to the grocery store? No problem… I just start working right away. Today becomes a work day and the errands will still get done this week. Probably tomorrow morning.
This is the beauty of working for myself. I can adjust when needed. And like I said. LIFE happens and I know that I will need to adjust. Most weeks, this doesn’t happen, but when it does it is no big deal.
Now… I could have let this stress me out or upset me. My reaction to this “mishap” is all based on my thoughts.
Let me show you how.
The situation is: My van did not start this morning.
My thought about it was: No problem, I can adjust my plans and handle this.
This thought makes me feel capable and empowered.
When I feel this way, I get to work solving the problem. I decide, this morning I will start doing my work that is scheduled for this afternoon and this afternoon I will do work that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. I prove to myself that I can adjust my plans and handle this.
But let’s play with this a little bit. Let’s pretend that I approached this situation differently. A couple years ago, it might have looked more like this:
Situation: My van did not start this morning.
My thought about it: Now I can’t run my errands this morning and my whole week will be messed up.
That thought makes me feel defeated and out of control.
When I feel defeated and out of control, I become reactive instead of proactive. I sulk and complain about my bad luck. I focus my time and energy being frustrated, wondering why this is happening to me and focusing on the injustice of it all. I don’t start working, I spin my wheels. And this just proves my original thought that: Now I can’t get my errands done and my whole week becomes messed up.
See the difference? I want you to see the correlation between my thoughts and my results. They are directly related! And not just in this case…it is true EVERY time. No matter what situation or thought you have, your thoughts ultimately create your results.
When you work from home and you are in charge of your own schedule, things like this are going to pop up. I don’t stress out and worry because I know that I will find a way to still get everything done this week or make wise decisions on what is the priority.
Don’t let life’s situations throw you off course. Make a plan, but be ready to adjust. As a mom you practice this skill all the time, just apply it to other areas of your life.
Keep yourself in a useful mindset. Do you want to be empowered or a victim? The choice is yours. The choice is always yours.
I ran into my cousin and his wife while we were camping. They had recently purchased a camper and were excited for us to see it.
As my cousin’s wife, April, was showing us around, I noticed that her excitement quickly diminished. She started to explain how they could afford such a nice camper. She was, almost apologetically, showing us all the amazing features this new camper encompassed.
Why would April start to de-value this piece of equipment that had brought her so much excitement just minutes earlier? Why did she all of a sudden appear to be embarrassed?
This was really interesting to me and I have spent a lot of time thinking about it since. I realized that I have done (and still do) this same thing at times.
This is an example of how we “think” we have control over someone else’s emotions and/or thoughts.
If we minimize our excitement, they will not think we are bragging. If we explain that we got a great deal, they will understand that we are not “better off” than them. Right?
The truth is, we don’t have any control over what someone else thinks, feels, says, or does. If you are humble and apologize for the nice things in your life, I might still think you are bragging. I might still believe that you are better off than me. However, I might be happy for you and share in your excitement, if given the opportunity. You just don’t know. (Don’t you want to surround yourself with people and friends that will be happy and excited for you? – but I digress)
My thoughts and feelings will be what I make them. Not what you want them to be.
When we start to diminish what we have and/or worked hard for, it is a bit uncomfortable for the other person. All of a sudden, they now feel that they need to take care of you. Maybe by being overly impressed, overly excited or telling you that you’ve earned it.
Don’t put other people in that position.
Stop trying to word everything “correctly” so others will feel the way you want them to. You will drive yourself crazy!
Don’t apologize for the great things in your life.
Don’t diminish their value.
You can’t decide what others will do with the information you give them, so stop trying to control it. Let them be responsible for their own thoughts and feelings.
Don’t hide your fancy new camper, your job promotion, your weight loss accomplishment, your personal survival story or the business you are starting.
Don’t explain how you can afford the things you own, or the trips you take.
Love the things you have.
Want to get coached for FREE? I want to coach 100 people for free by March 31st. If you would like to be one of them, click here to book your appointment.
What happens when you have a goal, but notice that you are slipping into your old habits?
Some of you beat yourself up. Your inner dialog might include things like….
Others just double down and re-commit.
They shake off the old habits….and start again with even more commitment than before.
The last few weeks I have been slipping into some of my old habits. Working in my pj’s, not planning out my work week, allowing MANY distractions, just to name a few.
But it’s not just my work that is suffering. I am reverting to old eating habits, old thought patterns and I am noticing those old feelings and inner dialog return.
This is not how I want to live my life.
And now I am faced with a choice.
Do I continue down this old path with these old habits? Or do I pull out my machete and keep working to create this new path that I envisioned?
It would be so easy to just tell myself “this is who I am and who I am meant to be” and go back to my old way of living.
But I wasn’t happy there. That is the reason I tried to change it in the first place. And I am not looking for EASY.
So instead of beating myself up, I analyze what has been happening and what I can do moving forward.
I ask myself: What have my thoughts been and/or my feelings (before, during and after doing these old habits)? What results have I been getting?
It is important to keep collecting evidence (but you need the right evidence). Stop looking for evidence to prove you have failed and start finding evidence for WHY you are committed to change.
What is your compelling reason for these changes?
What results do you get from your old habits? Do you want to keep these results? Why or why not?
You must be willing to shed the old version of yourself to transform into the new version.
Does that make you want to run in the other direction? Why?
What might you have to give up in order to live as this new version? What benefits do you get from making no change? What benefits will you get by evolving?
The point is…..
You WILL revert to your old habits. Expect it. Wait for it. Welcome it.
This is not a reason to beat yourself up OR to quit. This is how real, lasting change is made. Every time you find yourself slipping into old routines, you have an opportunity to recommit and get back on the path you want.
Each time you do this, you are changing the way the brain processes the information. The time spent in old habits will decrease. Then one day, these new habits will become your “normal” and it will come naturally.
It won’t always feel this cumbersome. You are learning a new skill. Give yourself enough time to learn this skill.
Don’t give up just because it didn’t stick the first time (or the 10th time).
Would you expect yourself to learn carpentry the first time you pick up the tools? Of course not, you would expect it to be a process to learn all the skills. This is no different.
Why would you want to learn and practice how to continually commit to reaching your goals?
Well, only YOU know the reason you want to evolve….. But I will tell you this. You will NEVER go wrong when you invest (time and/or money) in yourself. And trusting yourself enough to know you will follow through is priceless. And it comes with practice.
Want help getting yourself back on track? Your in luck! I have cleared my schedule in order to coach 100 people for FREE by March 31st. There is still time to sign up. Click here to schedule your appointment for FREE coaching!
My son is 8. He is in 2nd grade. He is an excellent student….but happens to be a little talkative during class (which he gets from his mother).
A few nights ago, he spoke to my husband about the fact that he wanted to be “Student of the Week” at school. He expressed some frustration at the fact that some students had gotten it twice, while he hasn’t gotten it even once this year.
As my husband was telling me this story, he was sure to include the part where my 8 year old son said “But….I get to decide how I feel about this”.
He hears me teach these tools. He watches his parents actively strive to be better every day. He sees and experiences how we love. He listens to the way we argue, to the way we make up, how we apologize and how we forgive each other. He has seen me struggle with painful thoughts surrounding situations close to my heart and he as watched me change my thoughts and feelings.
He took an opportunity to coach himself and he completely rocked it!!!!
What could have been a reason to beat himself up, is now an opportunity.
A couple days later I talked to him and let him know that his teacher doesn’t decide his value (as a human being or as a student) when she chooses, or doesn’t choose him as Student of the Week. She doesn’t determine how WE think about him or if we are proud or not. He doesn’t need a piece of paper to get our approval or his own.
BUT….I also let him know, that if he still wanted to be Student of the Week, he could set that as his goal and I would teach him how to reach that goal.
This morning he decided that he does want to set this goal and achieve it.
So NOW he gets 2 very valuable lessons from this experience. He learned he can coach himself, AND he will be learning how to set and achieve goals.
His results would have been dramatically different if I had rushed to his rescue right away. (I’m not going to lie, I really, REALLY wanted to email the teacher or meet with her. I didn’t want him to feel these negative emotions, he’s my baby!) But if I had, I would have been robbing him of these 2 major life lessons that he gets to learn at the early age of 8! (I didn’t learn them till I was 35.)
I never have to look far for my inspiration, it is all around me. Seeing my son feel good about not getting chosen as student of the week AND being motivated to keep working towards it gives me so much motivation and drive to continue my work and to share it all with you.
Can you be more like this 8 year old?
Yes, you can.
If you choose to.
The children in your life notice how you live, more than the words you say. You get to choose what kind of example you want to be to these children. This is an honor that comes with great responsibility. Don’t take it lightly.
Spoiler alert: it’s YOU.
Yep, I am not afraid to say it.
You might be rolling your eyes and trying to tell me (through your screen), that it is because your husband didn’t buy you a birthday present, your friend didn’t return your phone call, your tire was flat this morning, your kids were misbehaving…… but you’d be wrong.
The only person responsible for your feelings are you. You decide how you are feeling. Your feelings are created by your thoughts. Not by someone else’s actions or inactions. Just you.
This might sound disheartening and another reason to beat yourself up, but that is NOT what I am saying here.
This is incredible information. Knowing this gives you freedom! You take responsibility for your feelings, I’ll take responsibility for mine and we can drop the responsibility we feel for other people’s feelings.
Did you know that it is impossible for you to hurt someone’s feelings?
Well, it is.
And let me just add, this is not a reason to run out and act like a jerk, (my guess is that that is not the way you want to show up in the world) but rather a way to lighten your burden.
The only person’s feelings you can control are your own. So just work on that.
Don’t give anyone else the task of taking care of your emotions.
Don’t take on the job of managing other’s emotions anymore…that is their job.
Remember, your feelings are caused by a thought YOU are having. NOTHING ELSE!
Wasteful? Yes! It wastes your time, your energy and your focus.
Here is my most recent affair with worry.
A little over a week ago my son had 4 teeth removed.
He is scheduled to go back in a week to get 3 more pulled.
He did great the first time. But had some pain and a few tears on the way home.
Mom hated this as much as he did!
But once we were home, he settled down and took it all in stride.
What does this have to do with worry?
I’ll tell you. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the next appointment. I keep thinking things like – “I don’t want to bring him back there. I don’t want to see him in pain. This is so barbaric. I’m sad for him”.
But if I am honest with myself, it isn’t that I am worried for HIM, I am worried because of the way I feel when he is in pain.
I know that during the course of his life pain will be a part of it. There is no way to protect him from pain – and in all honesty, I wouldn’t want to shelter him from all pain. How else will he enjoy being pain free or learn how to be empathetic to others in pain? – But I digress.
So I keep worrying about this next appointment. How will he react this time now that he knows how it will feel? What if he doesn’t want to go? What if his pain isn’t controlled like last time? What if…, What if….. What if?????
The deal is – I don’t want to experience the feelings I had last time he got this procedure done, so I worry about it.
But worrying only allows me to experience these feelings over and over and over and over again. And THEN I get to feel those same feelings the day of the actual procedure.
By spending a lot of mental energy thinking and worrying about it now, I am forcing myself to experience it ahead of time and for a longer period of time.
Now, I know that this is a necessary procedure. It is not just for cosmetic reasons. Without it, his eating and speech would be effected.
He needs this.
So I can worry and be sad today, tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, until the actual appointment. OR I can remind myself that worrying won’t change anything. I am strong and I can handle it, when it comes.
From this day forward – I choose to have fun with my son and enjoy each day leading up to the appointment. I will allow any feeling and emotions to come up that day. But THAT DAY ONLY!
So I choose peace and happiness today.
I choose to be upset for 1 day (before, during, and after the procedure).
Not for 2 weeks.